Loving You
by LisaVang
Summary: Minmei's private thoughts of her past.


This fan fiction is written for entertainment purposes only. No infringement is intended. I do not own any of the Robotech/Macross characters-- real or imaginary!

This is not your typical Rick/Lisa/Minmei story... just a songfic about Minmei and her personal thoughts on her past love/life.

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**Loving You**

The house was a two story with pillars framing a deep porch on three sides. It was large, spacious, and hers, all hers. She had commissioned it twenty years ago on a whim. Many of her associates and friends had referred to it as her "antebellum" mansion.

Kyle, her husband then had deemed it a waste of money. But she didn't care, for she had fallen in love with it on first sight after it was finished, and had spent a fortune decorating it-- both inside and out.

Here, no one would dare to intrude on her privacy or time. She had given them too much already, in fact, she had given them her whole life except for the last seven years when she had secluded herself to this house, and retired permanently from public life. She knew she could have worked until the day she died, and no one would have complained for she was after all, more than a star. She was a legend.

But she was tired, tired of the constant media attention. Tired of the endless parties, talk-shows and traveling from one place to another, never knowing where she belonged. She was tired of only coming alive when on stage, then dying again once the show was over.

She had wanted a child once with Kyle, but changed her mind when she realized how chaotic her lifestyle was. She had thought about a child again with her second husband, Thomas. But the timing was never right, and after awhile they had drifted apart, and eventually divorced.

However tonight as she sat quietly on her swing, it was not Kyle, Thomas, or her career that she was remembering. It was him... always him... Rick.

Her midnight blue eyes, once sparkling, sensuous and dreamy, now stared blankly at the letter from Jordan, a private attorney/detective she'd hired to handle some of her personal investments on Tirol. Investments that had made her very rich over the years-- investments she would gladly trade for just one day with him.

**-----------------------------------------------**

'Dear Ms. Lynne-Minmei.

I regret to inform you that Admiral Richard Hunter died last night quietly in his home. The late Admiral died of natural cause and was ninety-two years old. He is survived by his wife, Admiral Elizabeth Hayes-Hunter, two children and a grandson.

His funeral is set for Monday, May 27 at 5:00pm. However a military memorial service will be held at noon that same day.

If you would like to attendant either or both, please do not hesitate to contact me as soon as possible and I will make the necessary arrangements. My deepest condolences Ms. Lynne for I knew the late Admiral and you were once good friends.

Your humble servant,

Andrew C. Jordan'

**---------------------------------------------------**

_Yes, he was a good friend but so much more. What he was, no one will ever know, not even him._

"He was the love of my life!" she muttered and the grief and frustration she felt at that moment threatened to crack her calm.

She bit her lip and began to lecture herself in her mind to remain steady. There was no need for outbursts or tantrums. No one was around to hear her or give her comfort. No one needs to know. It was none of their business but hers… hers alone.

At that, her mouth turned upright slightly and she looked almost haughty.

Looking now at the enclosed public family photo, her eyes flew wide open as though she was staring at a ghost; Roy Hunter was the splitting image of Rick! The Rick who had rescued her countless of time since they first met and smiled at her with love. The Rick, she hadn't appreciated until it was too late...

Roy Hunter was everything she had loved about Rick even down to his shock of unruly dark hair and sensuous mouth. Except for the color of his eyes-- they were his mother's eyes, brilliant, green and direct.

Hesitant for only a brief moment, her eyes moved to Grace Hunter-Durant. She didn't think she could bare it if Grace looked like Lisa for she was not ready to see Lisa yet.

The image of Lisa standing outside Rick's door and telling him she loved him; always had and always will was imprinted in her mind for eternity. As much as she would like to forget that day, it was forever ingrained into her memory, for that was the day she'd lost Rick.

However what Minmei felt when her eyes feel upon Grace was a pain so deep and sharp it knocked her breathless.

Grace was the exact image of a daughter she had always imaged she would have if she'd been Rick's wife. Grace had long, silky dark hair, laughing cobalt blue eyes and a winsome smile no one could resist. She was tall, slim, strikingly beautiful and obviously very happy.

In the photo, Grace was holding a cute, chubby toddler in her arms protectively while a handsome man standing next to her had his right arm around her waist. Minmei could see the love in the man's dark eyes, and she knew he loved Grace Hunter very much.

_How could anyone not fall in love with Rick's children?_ She gasped in misery.

Even thought she had never seen them before today, and did not know them; for they had never visited Earth, she felt great love for them. Yes, she loved them because they were an extension of Rick, the man she loved with all her heart and soul.

Slowly against her will, her eyes moved to Lisa-- her rival, her arch enemy and the bane of her existence.

_Lisa... _

_It's not fair! You have everything that should have been mine. All these years, I tried not to hate you but I can't pretend anymore! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you with a passion and it's slowly eating me alive. _

"Rick was mine!" she cried out loud not realizing that she had.

Critical now, Minmei studied the physical changes in Lisa that time has brought. She couldn't help it but rage in silent envy.

"Even life and old age has been good to you! Compare to your elegance and style I look like a homeless bag lady," she said wearily.

The heady fragrance of honeysuckle, pine leaves, and numerous other plants that no one had been able to put a name to but she, hung poignantly in the muggy air. In the past she had always found comfort in her home and its surrounding greenery. But tonight they brought her nothing but regrets and pain.

_Who cares if I have an antebellum mansion? Who cares if I can grow plants and flowers no one else could? Who cares if I'm a multi-billionaire? I have no one to share them with. I don't have Rick..._

Slowly her finger brushed over Rick's face. Her hungry eyes took in every detail of him and found him as handsome as ever if not more. She saw that age had distinguished him; gave him a confidence she had never seen before.

In the photo, he was smiling and his cobalt blue eyes had shone brightly with life, laughter and amusement. He was behind Lisa, his arms around her waist and she had her hands on top of his; their fingers were intertwined.

Sadly her mind drifted to yesterday-- seeing the three of them as they had been that winter day so long ago. Hearing the dreadful words coming out of Rick's mouth, 'Minmei, I'm in love with Lisa,' and feeling his hand slipped from hers as he ran after her-- Lisa!

_I should have never let him go. I should have held on to his hand tighter. If only I'd know... _

'I used to think

I had the answers to everything

But now I know

Life doesn't always

Go my way, yeah...

Feels like I'm caught in the middle

That's when I realize...

I'm not a girl

Not yet a woman

All I need is time

A moment that is mine

While I'm in between'

_Oh, Rick why couldn't you have waited? I was so young then, I didn't know what I wanted or what was best for me._ She sighed and lifted her chin.

_How was I to know that I would love you all my life; would miss you every day and dream of you every night? I didn't know I would compare every man I meet to you and find them lacking your sensitivity, charm and compassion._

"I didn't know you were all I needed. It's not fair!" Minmei cried out once more in agony. "I was just a girl while Lisa was a woman already. How could I compete with her experience, maturity and confidence?"

She knew Rick could not hear her now, not even Lisa; no one could hear her yet she continued talking out loud to herself.

"I was just Lynne-Minmei, a wide-eyed girl with big dreams of making it big one day and suddenly a star the next. While Lisa had been an Admiral's daughter all her life, bred and trained to fight for what she wanted, and to stand firm for what she believed in."

"You were meant for me! You loved me, I know you did!"

Wiping tears from her eyes, she grew quiet now...

_Why were you in such a rush to grow up, Rick? To be what she wanted you to be? Did you really love her more than me? All I needed was time; time to grow, time to become the woman I was meant to be. Time to love you the way a woman should love her man._

"Why couldn't you have given me that time, Rick?" she moaned, "Why?"

Minmei suddenly crumbled the note and photo in her hand and quickly wiped the tears away. Tears, she had shed plenty through the years but it had never helped her to get what she wanted-- not the important things anyway.

Her midnight blue eyes blazed with anger and they looked like they could have been forged from ice. Gone was any trace of her earlier softness and tears; gone, all signs of dejection. Lynne-Minmei was mad. Fighting mad!

"I will not cry-- not for that faithless man! I'll never cry over him again!" she vowed, swallowing a sob.

But Rick was dead-- gone!

The anger left her as fast as it had appeared. She felt vast and empty. How strange that her blood was still circulating; her heart beating, and her lungs breathing air in and out when she knew she was dead inside.

Rick was dead yet she could not let him go. How could she when she had always hoped he would come back to her for she had never stopped loving him.

'They say in this world nothing lasts forever

but I don't believe that's true

cause the way I feel when we're together

I know that's the way I'll always feel for you

From now until forever

That's how long I'll be true

I'll make you this vow

And promise you now

until forever

I'll never stop loving you'

_Have you forgotten me, Rick? Did I mean so little to you that once you have Lisa's love, mine was not good enough anymore? I loved you, you know I did! I even wanted us to be married. If only Lisa hadn't come... if only..._

"Who's the fool now, Rick?" she said sadly, and stared into the darkness.

Getting up, she walked slowly back into her house, noticing the furnishings-- desk, chairs, sofas, and occasional tables were all from a style of centuries past, carved from walnut, and ornamented with gilded bronze. Only the best would do and she deserved it!

Reaching the foyer and turning to her office, she had to stop for she felt lightheaded and weak. She leaned against a newel, hugging herself, squeezing her eyes, attempting in vain to clear her head, once and for all-- the memories, mistakes, and regrets that were hunting her.

Opening her eyes, she saw her reflection in the large oval mirror hanging across from her. Her hands instantly fisted at her side and something hot and acid-like stung her eyes.

_Where did the years go?_

_Where is the laughing, gullible girl who had wanted to be a star more than anything else in this world? The girl who would let nothing stand in her way of becoming famous? The girl everyone-- human and aliens alike had adored, admired and even envied; the girl Rick Hunter had loved with reckless abandonment and joy._

'There's a girl in the mirror

I wonder who she is

Sometimes I think I know her

Sometimes I really wish I did

There's a story in her eyes

Lullabies and goodbyes

When she's looking back at me

I can tell her heart is broken easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror

Is crying out tonight

And there's nothing I can tell her

To make her feel alright.'

_Even that girl has left her now. And in its place is an old, lonely woman with nothing but memories and regrets._

She smiled bitterly at her reflection, seeing all the changes age and time had brought. Yet not seeing any of it at all too; for she does not care anymore, her world had stopped turning a long time ago. She lived all these years because of hope, and now that hope is no more.

Rick Hunter is dead.

"It's time to fly away Minmei; it's time to leave all this to yesterday…"

**Note:**

All songs by Britney Spears

I'm Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman

I'll Never Stop Loving You

Girl in the Mirror

Last line inspired by Moulin Rouge


End file.
